Jesus sought to provide hope in the face of life's struggles.

Buddha sought to teach people how to inoculate themselves from suffering.

Taoists seek to lose themselves in the natural flow of nature and life.

I sat in the dark last night. I didn't want to go to bed, and I didn't want to look at the illusions of decorated my house with. Funny, but my house poses its own illusions. I just sat, with my cat, and marveled and wondered how he constantly seems to find a state of rest.

Sitting in the dark, it was peaceful and a chance for quiet reflection. I have a relatively easy life. The slow dying of my dreams, I don't know whether that is good or bad. Of course, I wonder if good or bad is anything other than perspective conditioned by selfishness and cultural opinion. Anyways, my dreams are dying, or so it seems. And it seems that in many ways I am killing my dreams through neglect; that I am causing myself suffering because I am clinging to my dreams.

One question: why am I clinging to my dreams. I want to do this, I want to do that - but I don't do this and I don't do that to the degree that I can. In fact, I am woefully underachieving even in what is within my grasp. Which causes me to consider that maybe I am dreaming someone else's dreams? Or rather, that I am lazy and expect things to come without effort, without discipline. And maybe, if my dreams are really what I want, I would be accomplishing them. Or maybe, maybe, maybe.

Thoughts in circles, patterns recreating themselves, slowly resolving and reforming. Dreams, goals - they don't really matter. One breath at a time, moment by moment. And the cycle continues. Words follow words. Sounds with little meaning; sound illusion. Reflection, as a shadow.

Aimlessness is only negative when I cling to my illusions. Of course, if all is not simply illusion than I suppose I am really wasting my life. Life is moment by moment and what happens, passes, and what is now is now. Tomorrow is nothing but an idea held in the now. It appears that now is in a linear connection to the next now, but I think that there is only just now. Time appears to me to be another illusion. A working hypothesis that is effective for perpetuating illusions. It does seem that some illusions are essential for life. And that of course can lend itself to the argument that life is not filled with illusions - that there is something real, tangible, and real, intangible. But something.

And so the cycle of ideas continues, circling like a plane that never lands.

Gaia

As I was lying in bed this morning, ignoring natures call in a desperate attempt to go back to sleep I couldn't help thinking. From the dust of the earth humanity has come, and to the dust it will/we will return. I wonder if humanity is not a manifestation of Gaia, mother earth - a projection similar to a spirit dream. And in light of the tragedy that is human history, and in light of humanities abuse and rape of mother earth I can't help but see humanity as a sickness, or a cancer. My house cat, and much of the eco-balance in nature seems to be a more healthy manifestation of Gaia. Most of natures creatures live and die according to a cruel balance and harmony. Death comes to all creatures, and yet is death not a return of the nutrient aggregates to the earth, which is in fact nothing less than the replenishing of earth? The decomposition of life is nothing less than the fertilizer for new life. Humanity, in our ego driven lust has terrorized not only ourselves but all of earth - destroying the very resources and fertility of earth that we depend upon. In this sense I think of humanity as a sickness, a cancerous projection of mother earth, and in response to the cancer of humanity I believe mother earth will seek balance and restoration. How better to replenish the earth than to reclaim 6 billion walking nutrient and mineral components to the earth? By removing the cancer of humanity mother earth could greatly replenish itself.

I am having troubles expressing what I am thinking here - it made much more sense in the haze of sleepiness. I will try to summarize my thoughts:

All organic life, humanity included, is a part of the eco-life of earth. Humanity, as every organic life, is a composition of nutrient and mineral aggregates. From the dust of the earth.

Humanity, more so than any other organism, is destructive and out of balance with the rest of the eco-system of earth. We destroy and poison the earth and ourselves - we are a cancer upon the earth.

Perhaps we are a subconscious manifestation of mother earth - a parasite that is eating away at its host.

When we die, when all organic life dies, we return to and replenish the earth as our mineral and nutrient aggregates are returned to the soil, becoming fertilizer for new life.

In light of our rape and abuse of mother earth, it came to my mind that the return of 6 billion people would not only excise a cancer from mother earth, but would greatly replenish the earth.

My thoughts, in a sleepy haze, drifted to mother earth eventually restoring ecological balance by excising the cancer that is humanity, thus reclaiming the nutrient and mineral aggregates that we are composed of.


While this may seem to be a negative point of view, I don't think that it is. Many species of life have passed from the face of the earth. Is it arrogance that makes us think that humanity will remain eternally? We are from the earth, and to the earth we shall remain. There is a natural balance of life and death, with death inevitably contributing to life. Humanity is in many ways cancerous, and like any imbalance in nature we are, in our present expression, unsustainable.

Now, while I do refer to mother earth, I do not intend an actual sentience at the core of the earth. Instead I use the term symbolically - the earth is our mother in that we are of the earth.

I will need to think this all through more clearly, but I think the general idea makes sense to me - but to be honest there have been a lot of things that made sense to me that I discarded along my journey.