Still Trapped

I keep thinking, changing my thinking, changing my thinking - learning and forgetting and synthesizing it all through my clouded lenses of knowing. Thinking I know falls away to the realization that I don't know, shadowed by the hint that my realization is illusion. I am aware that I am struggling to be aware and occasionally I come to a flash of insight that I am not aware - struggling to awake without knowing what it is to be awake. Perhaps there is no awake, only unity. It may be that what I am struggling towards is not what I should be struggling towards -that struggling towards is istself misguided. Will I ever know? Will I ever be content not knowing? Can I rest in the midst of not knowing?