Some thoughts.

The thing about sitting and waiting is that during the waiting period nothing tangible is being done. And then the tail chasing thought follows - what true value does "tangible" represent?

The pyramids are pretty darn tangible, if one ignores the lack of knowledge regarding the who, what, how, and why of them. So, they are tangible somethings that declare something.

Whenever I want to say something, if I can hold off from saying it, I recognize the unnecessary and meaninglessness of my saying it. A thing is, whether I say it or not. And often what I say is, isn't. Perception, ignorance, deception. Knowledge is so clouded by these things.

I find myself looking with greater respect towards silence. A word spoken loses its meaning when we decorate it with so many other useless words.

We blink, and find that life has passed us by. Blink again, and I catch a glimpse of life just now, but inevitably I blink again and lose sight of it.

How can I be so dissatisfied with the means of my comforts, when in so many ways I'm comfortable. Am I dissatisfied because of expectations - mine and others? I expect that I should be doing more, or I suspect that others expect more of me. I feel I should be striving for and achieving more than I am - but I undermine that expectation from the feeling of the inevitable meaninglessness and impermanence of so-called attainments.

The other day, while folding laundry I became disgusted and bitter that with every breath I am closer to death, and look! I'm folding stupid laundry!! But for a second I catch of glimpse of what could be the joy of folding laundry, only to lose it again in my protest of mortality. Too often I lament of all the things I have to do, that I don't want to do. That is the trap of one foot in the moment, one eye on a desirable possible future.

There is, in this life, moments of clarity and hours of illusion. It is challenging to find the path, or a path, to more consistent clarity when one must first try to see through the illusions.

There is pain in the heart that comes from the mind. Self-defeat through self-deception.

Some thoughts.