A Rant

Come out, come out, wherever you are! Alas, it seems that we can cry out for days, months, even years, and yet all that will meet us is silence. Where is god? Why is he so silent? Especially in light of the incarnation and sending of the holy spirit? Was not god intending to draw us closer, to open us up to fellowship with himself? Was Jesus not the Word? Why so silent, so hard to get a straight, agreed upon answer on such vital topics as nature of god and salvation - even who Jesus was/is? If Jesus was to draw us to the father, why has this not happened?
Oh, you say, because of us! Because we are sinful! Because we choose wrong! Well, wasn't the gospel supposed to fix that? And if it is because of us that god is so silent, then what value does the gospel offer? If I draw near by my efforts, then again, did god actually do anything?
Sometimes it seems that christians want it both ways. God does/did the good, but I/we do/did the bad. Or put into context. If I discipline myself in scripture reading, doing good, reforming my habits and thoughts, and in prayer - whatever good comes from that is god doing it. If, however, I fail to discipline myself to those things, whatever bad comes from it is my fault. So, if I do it and its bad, that's my own fault. If I do it and its good, that's god's doing. If the gospel is supposed to save me, why doesn't it? I am the same person after salvation as I was before - the difference is that I am aware/accepting that I am not really a super good guy after supposed salvation, and in response I begin to work on things. Having been made aware of the problem(s), I work on the problem(s). But the effort is mine, the intention is mine - but the credit is gods? Basically, god helps those who help themselves. It's actually not a bad sentiment, and rings closer to patristic synergy than modern evangelical double-speak salvation talk.
True this is very rough, even crude - and I am speaking only in generalities. Probably most christians would not say things as bluntly as I have here, but if you listen to them for a short while, you will see rather clearly that this is the gist of it. Where is the holy spirit?

I have heard it said by evangelicals (and I must admit, have said it myself) - how can you say you love god (or anyone) and not spend time with them (prayer/devotions)? Not a bad thought, except, why don't I notice god spending any time with me? Oh, he is in the still small whisper, that incidentally in my need I cannot hear? Oh, he is invisibly present? Wow, what good is that? Is he talking with me? Spending time with me? Not that I can tell - and you can say I am not listening, but I have spent years trying to listen. Of course, one can argue that god spoke once in the incarnation of Jesus Christ - but considering the consistent, deplorable theological battles and disagreements one can possibly see Christ forshadowed by the tower of Babel - what was to unite ended in disunity, the confusion of the world.

Alas, my rant must come to a close - duties call.