For the lack of a better descriptor - I am an Agnostic. I can no longer lay claim to being christian and I cannot make that final blind step to Atheism. It has taken some time but I am finally resting in acceptance of the fact that I no longer believe what I had thought I could never disbelieve. Aware of the disdain that devout believers (christian and atheist alike) tend to shower upon Agnostics as fence sitters I have happily taken up camp - admittedly this is a temporary stop, but who really knows? I have recently (today) begun reading a book that I have several times almost purchased in the past (bought it yesterday) - a book entitled "The Life of Pi". I have only just begun, not knowing what I am in store for, and already it has encouraged me to think, or rethink, and has suggested that it may prove a thoughtful book. My Agnosticism rests upon studied doubt and skepticism....and thus I found this quote from the "Life of Pi" to be interesting and challenging:

"If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' the surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation." (Italics mine)

All too often I have felt that I have succumb to the numbness of doubt - to apathy stemming from my Agnosticism. It may be that humanity is driven by a need for purpose and meaning - but it also seems to me that natural life screams out the meaningless and purposelessness of existence. Beyond the abstract illusions that we tend to cling to I see no intrinsic meaning in life. We are - we breath - we stop breathing - we die. The sun rises and falls. What more is there? Dreams and illusions, opium for the masses - but I want to live eyes open. I want dreams that I can touch - hopes that aren't' rooted in death, answers that aren't promised beyond the grave. I want to move on - but I don't yet see where to. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps.